Friday, January 25, 2013

Sleepless Nights

"Sleepless Nights"

'Whenever you need me whenever you want me you know you can call me, ill be there shortly' my cellphone blared Roll Up- Wiz Khalifa. Muttering over being woken up before 12 on a Saturday I answered the phone. It was my friend Josh asking me to crash a sophomore party with him later that night. Having recently broken up with my girlfriend after she cheated on me with my Australian Rugby billet in my house I was heartbroken and tired but reluctantly agreed. We arrived at this girl's party to see her parents giving everyone who approached the house the snake eye. Working our way towards the backyard we saw 16 year old guys with their shirts off and girls drinking and talks in groups. I was talking to my friend about how lame things were until somebody tapped me on my shoulder. I turned around and started into the eyes of the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. Her hair was done in long flowing locks. Her eyes were like looking into a tranquil forest of evergreens and feeling at peace. Her name was Monika I'd seen her around school but had only talked to her once previous to this. She said 'Hey!' in a over energetic tone. I noticed a Cold Play T-shirt realizing that their concert was that very night. She then asked me about school since I had recently transferred back. I replied back with questions about the concert and we talked for a good hour until she had to go home and I had to drive my friend back.

After dropping my friend off at his apartment I started heading home. I was pondering if I've met a girl in my life that I would hold that kind of significance over. To have a girl that would love me as much as I love her. After parking my car and stumbling up the steps to my house in exhaustion I immediately headed to my to sleep. Leaving my phone on like I always do I was awoken 30 mins later with a message on Facebook. I immediately assume its Josh telling me he forgot something in my car but to my surprise it was Monika! She starts talking to me about how much fun she had at the concert and I replied back with how’s life how are your friend’s etc. Stuff to get to know her better. She then responds to me with details concerning being bullied at school. I was thinking to myself how is the most beautiful girl I have ever met getting bullied by girls in not only in her grade but in my grade (Being a Senior at the time) she talked to me about her Dreams of being a doctor how a girl hates her because her boyfriend talks to her all the time and tons of deep details about her life. Eventually she gets tired but thanks me for listening to all her drama she logs off Facebook and goes to bed and leaves me there laying on my bed wondering about what happened. I laid there for solid 2 hrs thinking about the things we talked about and eventually fell asleep.

Days later I get another face book message from her about getting bullied by one of my friends. I immediately confront my friend and talk to her about it and resolve things and after cheering her up she tells me she really likes me and a crush develops on my end. I woke up one early Monday morning in April and arrive at school to find out that our Prom date forms had to be in by the end of the week! Not wanting to go stag I quickly raced around asking all my friends who had dates and who didn't have dates. After finding all the Senior Girls had dating and not knowing any of the Junior Girls I started thinking about sophomore girls. Then it hit me ask Monika! My friends after hearing rumors about her advised me not to and ask this other girl. The other girl was blonde haired blue eyes a very very beautiful girl who eventually said she'd go with me if I asked. But the only girl on my mind was Monika. One night I message her asking to see her at lunch the following day she freaks out asking if she's done anything wrong or if she’s offended me in any way, which I reply with no. I found it extremely cute the way she cared. The next day at lunch my heart was pounding in my chest working up the guts to go talk to I go up to her table where her and her friends were sitting and get her alone and ask her 'Monika would you like to go to grad with me' which she replied with 'I thought you were going to beat me up or something I’d love to be your date!' barely able to contain my excitement I strutted to my next class and proceeded to message her that night. She was very excited being her first prom she promised to be the best date ever, which I was sure she was going to be and we agreed to hangout a few times before then to get to know each other better. We agree on a Starbucks date and I pick up at lunch and take her to a local Starbucks from the time she's in the car until were in the coffee shop she would not stop talking and I loved it. She didn't allow for a single awkward moment I learned tons about her she learned tons about me and I enjoyed every minute of it. The cashier at Starbucks asked for her name and she replied with 'Monika with a K' I smiled and felt a feeling I had never felt before it was love. I return her to school and finish up my last class and head home. Prom quickly approaches and I drive over to her house to pick her up. I call her and she leaves her house in a stunning white dress looking like the most beautiful girl on the planet.

Driving her to my house for Pre-Prom she meets my mother and they immediately become best friends. We head over to Prom and sit down the guest speakers give their speeches about how were the best grad classes ever etc etc etc. Then the dancing starts. Usually an awkward guy who wouldn't be caught dead dancing with his mother like any other 18 year old boy Monika quickly grabbed my hand and told my mom lets go dance which she agreed and were immediately on the dance floor having the times of our lives. I remember dancing and looking into her eyes and seeing that smile of hers and just melting. Thinking for one of the few times in my life absolutely everything is okay right now. Dancing with my mom and my prom date and I don't feel shy i feel great. The dancing ends and we prepare ourselves for After-Prom. I change into my after-prom wear and wait outside her change room for her to get ready. She comes out and we proceed to the buses where we sit together on the way there. She asks me a question none of my previous girlfriend had ever asked me 'Why wasn't your dad there'. This was a sort of hurtful question considering my father had left when I was 14 after physically and mentally abusing me for years he went off and got remarried and didn't keep in contact. I had never told anyone this before but for some reason I told her and nearly crying I looked into her eyes and she looked into mine and I swear it was nearly a picture perfect moment to have a perfect kiss. But with tons of people on the bus I didn't want to have any PDA or anything especially because I didn't want to ruin After-Prom in case something went wrong. She proceeded to comfort me and I felt like I could talk to her about anything. She told me things she hasn't told a soul in her life and i felt comforted and felt like I had a special bond with her and I knew at that very moment I loved this girl I loved Monika. Arriving at After-Prom we departed the buses into a giant prop warehouse where it was hosted. There was an area to dance an area to play poker and other games an area outside to walk around and the inside prop section to sit and well I don't know why we had our After-Prom in a prop warehouse so i couldn't tell you the intended purpose. The two of us ate and then she asked to be able to spend some time with a friend of hers before we went into the photo booth I agreed and spent some time with my friends. An 1 hr later she wasn't back and people began to ask where my date was. Looking around i found her being hit on by one of my best friends. Being distraught over the whole situation I sit down and try to recollect my thoughts. She wanders over after a while and asks how I am. I said uh okay I guess she responds with. ‘Were you shut down by any girls or something'. In my mind all I was thinking was the only girl I want to be with is you. She wanders off again and I keep looking for her but to no avail. Being extremely bummed out about not being able to spend time with her I wait in line for the bus home with everyone else with my head down she asks what’s wrong and I respond with ill tell you later. Her facial expression immediately changes to one of concern until we eventually board the bus. On the bus she keeps asking me what’s wrong. Until she asks do you like me? And I respond with yes I really like you. She said 'Chris I like you to, But you’re going to College next year and I'm going to Europe over the summer I don't know if things will work' I immediately want to tell her how I feel right then and there but just couldn't after taking an emotional blow like that.

Driving her home I fell asleep tears in my eyes grasping the corsage she gave me dreaming about one day being with her. The next day I hosted the After-After-Prom party in which she was invited. I have 100+ people over at my house with a few of my close friends sleeping over to help me keep the place clean and tidy. I text her to see if she's coming. She replies with yes. I look around all night for her but see her once where she only says 'Hi'. I texted her and asked her if I could speak with her so I could finally tell her how I feel she says I'm talking with someone else and I reply but i really want to talk to you she responded back with a smiley face. She eventually leaves without saying a word. I go downstairs clean the house and after my friends fall asleep drown myself with my own tears. A week later she goes to Europe for the summer and I try my best to get over her. I tried going to parties and meeting other girls but the only girl I wanted to be with was Monika. I prayed to God, The Universe and anyone would who listen to please please let her feel the same way i felt about her. 1 month later I get an inbox from her. She asks with about my summer in which I reply with alright she immediately asks me when I'm leaving for College ignoring my questions about her trip. I give her the date and she said I really want to see you before I get back. My heart thumps and I feel a sensation that everything is going to work out. Summer days soon fade away and the time to leave for College approaches. After not hearing for her 3 days before I am supposed to leave and I contact her to arrange my final chance to tell her how I feel before University. She responds with I’m really busy but ill do whatever it takes to see you before you go. We plan to meet up for breakfast the day I leave.

I wake up early at 6 am fill my car up with gas and drive to her house. I text/call her as instructed and don’t knock on her door as to not awake her sleeping parents or brother. I wait outside the house for an hour and a half and the rain dripping down the side of my car quickly turns to tears. With tears in my eyes I quickly depart her house and return to my house to grab my things and head to the airport. As I’m about to board the plane i get a text from her explaining her phone died and she's freaking out about how she slept in and she wished me the best of luck to me in College and kept apologizing over and over. Being a calm minded individual although it pained me to do it I accepted her apology and boarded the plane to Arizona. The first month I was at Uni I couldn't keep her off my mind. I was meeting 100's of new girls but I only wanted to be with Monika. Being in new environment new girls new friends new school I was scared and I missed the love of my life more than ever. Iv talked to her about 5-6 times since being at Uni for the past Month and a Half. I found out this week Monika has created a charity event and has enlisted my mom to help out with it. My own mother is spending more time with the girl of my dreams the love of my life then I am. I can't keep her off my mind. I have never told her how much I love her how I feel about her. And even though things look bleak at the bottom of my heart I feel everything is going to work out between us and will be together. My friends at Uni ask me why I sleep so much and to be honest I didn't have a response at first until I thought about it. I sleep because in my mind it's the only time I can be with her. It’s the only time I can hold Monika in my arms tell her I love her more than anything on this planet. As I write this heart broken, tired with tears flowing down my face about to embark in another lucid dream or beautiful nightmare depending on how you view things. I look back at the girl with the most beautiful smile that can make everything in life feel all right and I dream and I pray to be able to hold her in my arms and tell her I love her one day soon. God/Universe/ANYBODY please let Monika fall in love with me. Now i'm going to drift off into a world where we can be together that I hope one day very soon can be reality, although I haven't been able to say this in person I may as well start here and say Monika
I love you.

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